the realization of the incorporation of past and present identities

Once, a long time ago/not that long ago, I listed to Ani DiFranco. I listened to other declarations of feminism and other cliched sorts of music. Now, it's a rare day that I feel she's appropriate.

My values haven't changed, nor has my appreciation for her. But since it isn't necessarily something I want to play in front of my one year old (who is really into being a mimic) and when I get the babe to sleep I quite often want only to hear the quiet.

Last night, my little love slept for 12 hours straight. I slept probably 10 of those. Today, I feel amazing. She's napping, I'm dancing and singing along to Ani DiFranco while I clean up my kitchen. It's a beautiful blend of old me and new me. A reminder that I haven't stopped being who I was, I've just incorporated new bits here and there.

Well, more than just here and there. Having a baby does completely change one's identity (it can/should anyway). But it's nice to know the old stuff is there too. It's comforting. I'm still an independent kind of lady that can move a few thousand miles to a big city with no car and no job and make a life for her self. I can walk to work, I can have my own place (I never technically lived on my own, but I did have an MIA roommate), I can earn my own money and enroll myself in school and graduate and take care of myself.

I can live independently of other people. Not just 'without dependency' but actually without the interference or presence of the typical significant people. I can live without parents near by. I can live without a boyfriend. I can move somewhere without friends or allies. And I can make a life of it. Not just an existence, but a life.

Reminding myself of that part of me reminds me how badly I want to teach my daughter that. Or, it reminds me of how badly I want her to learn that. I'm not sure that teaching it wouldn't be a contradiction in terms.

I'll be so proud of her when she lives on her own. When she can do it without me. I hope she still wants and seeks my advice, I hope she still respects my opinions and experience, but I hope she does it on her own too.

She's going to be such an amazing adult. Such a great presence in the world.

And that will be a little bit of me. An extension of this person I remembered in me today. Both an honor and responsibility.