I've spent years trying to figure out what it means to forgive my father. What does forgiveness look like in this situation? My parents insist forgiveness means a clean slate (for them) and a spontaneous relationship like what they've seen in the movies. They expect me to call them filled with excitement for a weekly chat. [The part that makes me laugh is when they try to give me parenting advice. Parenting advice? Really?]
The idea that I don't have to feign a relationship to be honoring God is a relief. Obeying God means a lot to me. Being a good person means a lot to me. But they just don't. Not anymore.
At one point in my life, yes. Their love, their approval, meant a lot to me.
But now? I've taken care of them. Paid the mortgage, spoken to doctors, called the ambulance. I was a great daughter. Now, my identity and responsibility is tied up in my own family. In my own self. I'm just . . . past all their drama. It's over for me.
So what does forgiveness look like? Does it just look like letting go of their power over me? Letting go of their influence that would take the place of God's influence in my life? Is that forgiveness?
I think it is. I fully expect that when I die, my list of transgressions will be read in the Holy Courts. My sins are completely forgiven, I won't have to pay any price, but they aren't forgotten. Are they? Maybe I'm wrong. I've heard a lot of pastors say that God forgets our sins, but I can't remember ever seeing that in the Bible.
/end of post till I figure this out
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